So, what’s new in Blue’s life?

Being in school is awesome. There are resources at universities that, when taken advantage of, can make life great. So, I discovered that there is a full studio available in the instructional media center where I can record a demo of my music.  How cool is that? Furthermore, since I’m a student, the service is offered to me for free! I know a lot of people in the area who are working on CD projects and who have completed demos. The average cost for studio time is about $45 an hour and sometimes, engineers can be difficult people. Furthermore, it can take up to 3 hours just to get a song recorded, not including the mixing, mastering, and engineering to make it sound better.

I want to eventually get my recorded demo engineered and mastered professionally. It is, however, nice to know that all the original screw ups in the studio won’t be on my dime. Time is money in music, but in a university, time is just time.

Spring Break

I’m clearly getting older. I remember a time when I would live for spring break. I’d have my travel plans by December; flight, rental car, everything. This year, I have no plans for spring break. I think I just might sleep the entire time.

Traveling is hectic. Say you’re planning a 6 day trip. The first day of your vacation is spent in the air or in the car, rushing to make deadlines, dealing with travel workers, and eating over priced food. By the time you get to your destination, you just want to relax. Then, you only have about 4 full days to run all over the area, catching all the sights and “making the best of your experience.” This usually includes mayhem and, for the young 20-somethings, constant drunkenness. Day 6 is spent doing last minute rushing to see the things you didn’t see the last 4 days because you were too hungover to leave the bed after the 2^nd day. Only, the flight leaves on the evening of the 6^th day, so you don’t really have the leisure to enjoy the day. Furthermore, you have to figure out where you’re going to keep your luggage because you have to check out of the hotel at noon and the flight doesn’t leave until 6:30, which means you have to get to the airport at 5:00. Since you just woke up at 11:30 (cuz who gets up early on spring break?) you have only 30 minutes to figure all this out.

I tire of all that. To me, you really haven’t experienced a place until you’ve spent at least a month there. Otherwise, you’re just playing tourist, which is voyeurism at best. Either way, I’d rather spend my spring break playing tourist in my town, St. Louis, which isn’t bad in the spring.

Prelims

I’m starting my prelim process and I mentioned before that I wasn’t excited about it. I’ve emailed 3 graduate students who have gone through the process before: 3 students who I’ve admired and looked up to. All of them had a different outlook on the process. One student said that it’s not as bad as I think it will be. Another student said it was his favorite part of graduate school (he grimaced and cried a little when making that statement). The last student was probably high the entire time, so no matter what happened, it was all love as far as he was concerned.

Embarking on this process reminds me of my thesis. In the beginning, I didn’t know what to do because I’d never done it before. Now, looking back, I realize that it wasn’t that bad. Furthermore, if I had leaned on my comrades a little more, I may have finished faster with fewer scars. I’m definitely going to do this differently. I’m going to ask all the questions I have; even the stupid ones. I’m going to be an open book, spewing all my inner thoughts to everyone I meet. That way, people can see how in need I am and want to help me.

I guess, like everything else, prelims are what I make them. It can be the worst part of graduate school, or it can just be a paper I have to write.

Giving Time

It’s hard to get faculty to do things. By “do things” I mean do things outside of what they’re supposed to do as faculty members. I’m the graduate student association representative for my department and GSA’s research symposium is in April. We need faculty judges for graduate students’ research projects. They’re only needed for about 4 hours and they get tons of free catered food. The food is delectable, by the way. Anywho, I’ve emailed almost all the faculty. Only 2 people have agreed to do it and the rest either ignored the email or had something else on their agenda. I wonder how many were lying about being busy on that day.

I’m a little annoyed by the process, but I can’t blame the faculty. I don’t like doing things that I’m not required to do either. In fact, if someone were to ask me right now to do them a favor that would occupy 4 hours of my day, I’d probably dodge their email. I know what it’s like to be on both ends of that conversation, so I just may try to be more giving in the future. I changed my mind. I’m still not doing anything that I don’t have to do. Faculty should though. That’s their job.

To see myself in her

I like seeing other people accomplish their goals, especially when their goals are the same as mine. One of my co-workers defended her dissertation yesterday. In other words, she went from being grad student to doctor in about 2 hours. It’s extremely exciting for her, but it’s also exciting for me.

I’ve been watching her for the past year go through the process. She was excited at certain points, in despair at other points, and overall under stress. I could empathize with her as well as get a first hand look at what I will have to do in the near future. Furthermore, I was watching someone who was very much like me accomplishing a great feat in life. It gave me hope and helps me to look forward in my future.

I was reminded again of how important role models are. People have been role models for me and I am in a position to be a role model for others. Seeing people become doctors in their respective fields makes me believe that it just may be possible to become a doctor myself.

Done, but not really…

My final credit hour of graduate courses has been completed. I am finished with my diversity class and am now completely done with classes! Once again, I am celebrating a minor victory. I am one more step closer to my goal of becoming a doctor.

Now, I’m working on preliminary exams. This is what must be done before I begin my dissertation. According to other graduate students, this is the most painful time of graduate school. After prelims, the dissertation is all downhill (their words, not mine). Either way, I’m not looking forward to the next step. However, just like everything else, I’m going to eat this elephant one bite at a time, starting with an outline.

I will use the lessons I learned from my thesis process to help me along the way. I will stay in close communication with my advisor, consult my handbook, and ask all the questions I can think of to ask. I will also lean on the experiences of my colleagues and ask them questions. Other students are often very willing to help me.

I’m still moving forward. For those of you who read this blog and believe in prayer, please pray for me. Thanks.

Won’t let ‘em get me down

Assumptions have guided my decisions my entire life. People look at me and make assumptions about my character, intelligence, socioeconomic status, and personal achievements. I used to get irritated by others’ incorrect assumptions of who I am. I felt as though people were displaying their prejudices and biases against me and using them to keep me from reaching my goals.

The attributions I make to others’ assumptions of me determine how I react. I have decided to use people’s ignorance to get the upper hand. If someone looks at me and assumes that I am not very smart, it becomes easy to get what I need out of them. Since their expectations of me are low, they rarely recognize when they’re being manipulated. Social interactions are like miniature military battles. According to Sun Tzu’s Art of War, deception is key. When you have a lot, your opponent must believe you have little. When you have little, your opponent must believe you have a lot.

I am not a vicious person. I do not aim to manipulate or use people to my advantage. However, I will use others’ momentum against them, as in Tai Chi. If someone wants to use their prejudice to limit me, I will limit them. Usually, I don’t even have to do anything. They do it to themselves.

Distractions

I am notorious for finding other things to do besides studying in graduate school. I performed last week with my backup singer. We’re performing again tonight and tomorrow night. I’ve done gigs with the band I’m in and I have a music video on Myspace. I’ve been writing a book of poetry and reading up on business and financial news. I’ve perfected my jalapeño cornbread recipe and checked out all the new locally owned restaurants in St. Louis. I rotated my mattress and discovered the wonders of burning oils. Frankincense is my favorite.

While doing all this, I managed to complete a Masters in psychology. Considering that graduate school is the backdrop to my life, it was only a matter of time before I completed it. Furthermore, it will only be a matter of time before I complete the PhD. I’m not concerned about being distracted. I welcome the distractions. They help me to keep perspective. I’ve seen what grad school can do to people and I don’t want that to happen to me.

SPRING PLEASE COME!

Winter time gives me the blues. I’ve been trying to find ways to cope like picking up alcoholism (which I don’t recommend or advocate), eating and sleeping a lot (which just makes me too fat to fit my clothes), and making new friends. The new-friends-making has been, by far, the best strategy for making it through winter as a poor person. I don’t get out very much in the winter, so instead of meeting new people, I gather all the people I met in the summer, pick out the ones I sort of liked, and start calling them a lot. Eventually, those people either yell at me for calling them all the time, or forge a friendship. I’ve picked up 2 new friends this year and tonight, I’m having a party at my place.  

It’s over…or is it?

The class I hate is finally over. Well, I didn’t exactly hate it. It was just at a bad time during a bad time of year (i.e., late night during snow storms). And the class went over and over things that I had gone over and over, over and over! Only problem is that the last class was cancelled due to a snow and ice storm. Class cancellations were cool in high school…even undergrad. But in grad school, I know that somewhere down the line, I’m going to have to make up that class, sit around a table, and discuss the readings. Hopefully, the professor isn’t as obsessive compulsive as some professors I’ve had in the past. Maybe he’ll just let it slide and have us print out and anonymously mail the course evaluations to him. We’ll see.

As for now, I’m working on my last assignment for the class: a cultural self-study. I’m going to trace my roots to try to analyze myself and evaluate how I came to be the way I am. Yeah. I’ve NEVER done that before (sarcasm). I’m Black in America for Christ’s sake. I do it every other weekend!