Mission impossible

It is the night before my thesis defense and I must admit that I’m a bit stressed out. I generally try not to put too much pressure on myself because it’s not healthy, but I just can’t help but be nervous. I mean, at this point, I do know my material well, but there is a possibility that I could fail. If I fail, I’ll have to do the entire project over again. That would suck, horribly!

 

But I’m not going to think about that. I’m going to concentrate on passing and on all the things I need to do to pass. This is not Mission Impossible. This is my thesis defense. I’ve been working on this for at least 2 years now. I’m just going to eat dinner, read over my notes, practice my presentation, and go to bed. I just hope I wake up on time

 

 

Bad milk and dry Oreos.

I hate sour milk. It’s the most disgusting feeling in the world to take a swig of ice cold 2% milk, only to realize that there are chunks floating around in your mouth…and then, the flavor….UGH! What’s worse is the disappointment in knowing that you have to eat your Oreos dry.

It happened to me the other day. I should have checked the expiration date, or at least smelled it first. I’ve just been so busy lately, getting home late, leaving home early. I recently bought groceries and haven’t even had a chance to eat them. I’ve been wanting to cook, but I haven’t had the time.

The interesting part is that I haven’t even noticed how busy I’ve been. I mean, clearly, I’ve noticed, but I’ve been running so much that I’ve become used to constantly doing something. Furthermore, I don’t talk to my mom as much anymore and I can’t remember the last time I talked to one of my best friends. I never planned to be so busy that everything else falls off. That’s no good. I have to get my balance back. Then, maybe I’ll be able to keep fresh milk in my refrigerator.

End of the beginning

I’m approaching the end of the beginning in my graduate education. As long as I don’t screw up royally, I should have my Master’s degree work completed by Thursday of next week. It’s surreal. I know that I came to graduate school to get an advanced degree, but for a long time I thought I was just going to be working on my thesis forever. I even considered giving it all up and becoming a full time rock star. But now that the day is upon me, I really don’t know how to feel.

 

Lately, I’ve been working so hard that I only see what is immediately ahead of me and immediately behind me. I am now ready to see the aerial view. I realize that I’ve done a lot of work and I am about to enter into a new stage of my life. Not that I’m considering leaving the program, but at this point, I could defend my thesis and go get a lucrative job in my field. Furthermore, I think I’ve gathered the momentum and knowledge necessary to complete my qualifying exams and dissertation in a timely manner. I’m no longer afraid of what lies ahead and I’m not afraid to fail.

 

Well, I’m still taking it all in stride and working hard. I’ll keep pressing until I’ve gotten what I came here for. In the meantime, please pass the Red Bull.

The longest week EVER

Friday just needs to hurry up and come. I have finished all my major chores for the week (i.e. turned in the final draft of my paper to my committee, practiced my defense presentation, went to my dentist appointment, attended the GSA general assembly, proctored the effective teaching seminars, and didn’t throw a fit) and I’m ready to go home! I still have to come back to this place tomorrow and do random assistantship work. Not that I’m complaining. I do appreciate my assistantship…but this week needs to END!

This has been the longest week I think I’ve had so far this semester. Next Wednesday, I’m defending my thesis to my committee who will then determine whether or not I get to advance into the PhD program. Yes, I’m a little nervous. This is going to be the greatest accomplishment (or failure) since I got my bachelor’s degree. Just with that pressure alone, I have enough to worry about to keep my busy for the rest of the week. I shouldn’t have to come to work too.

The importance of writing

It is notoriously recognized by faculty and graduate students alike that incoming graduate students are horrible writers. And what’s more is that a lot of faculty are also horrible writers. This bit of information is unsettling in a profession where people are evaluated and advanced based on the quality of their manuscripts. After much research (which really just consisted of eavesdropping and meddling), I have discovered that one’s ability to write well determines one’s ease in advancing through graduate school and academia at large. I mean, your ideas don’t even have to be completely true, but if you present them well on paper, people will buy into them (not that I’m promoting fabrication, but you get my point).

My advisor told me that in evaluating applicants’ GRE scores, the test as a whole is just an indicator that the students aren’t retarded. What really matters to him is the writing score. According to my advisor, the writing section is the best indicator of who would be a good graduate student. Papers submitted to faculty give an insight into the quality of students’ competence in their given program, and these writing samples are what come up when students are evaluated at the end of the year.

So, we know writing is important. How, then, does one become a good writer? Short answer: read and write. Get a hold of all the academic articles on your topic of interest. Read all the literature you can read while maintaining sanity. Write everyday. Your writing will start to mimic the writing of those who get published. Furthermore, seek evaluation from peers and mentors.

Writing, like anything else, takes practice. Don’t wait until you have to start proposing your dissertation to learn how to write better. I’m still working at it. Hopefully, I’ll get it together soon.

Blue’s laws of graduate school

1. It always takes about 2.7 times longer to do something than you think it will.
2. The traceability of an article is inversely proportional to its importance.
3. You’re always too damn busy, so relax.
4. If you propose that 6 things can go wrong with your research project and prepare for these 6 things, the 7^th thing will undoubtedly go wrong.
5. Enough research will eventually support your theory.
6. All the greatest discoveries are made by mistake.
7. The amount of time it takes to complete your research project is inversely proportional to the amount of money you have to complete your research project.
8. Even when you start early, you’ll always be fighting to meet deadlines, so relax.
9. If you get rid of an article, you’ll need it again, almost immediately.
10. Never work for free.
11. That one thing your advisor said that you blanked out on will be the most important thing you need to know to graduate.
12. If it’s that urgent, you didn’t prepare.
13. Naps in the lab are nothing to be ashamed of.
14. You’re probably always going to feel stupid. There’s nothing wrong with that.
15. If you don’t ask questions, you won’t get answers.
16. When you don’t know the answer, and you don’t care, say “I’m not sure, but I’ll look into it.”
17. When you don’t know the answer and you do care, you didn’t prepare.
18. When in trouble, delegate to undergraduates.
19. Senior colleagues offer the best advice.
20. If it doesn’t matter, it does not matter.
21. You can either do it under stress or you can do it without stress. Either way, you have to do it.
22. Ignorance is no excuse.
23. Arrogance = death.
24. Live within your financial means, even if you have to borrow to do so.
25. Miscommunication is always your fault.
26. When doing research on human subjects, always expect the outrageous.
27. Relax. It’s only a test.

Craig’s list

I’m usually not one to advertise, but Craig’s list is awesome! You can find ANYTHING: a home, a job, a date, a dog, a car, an opposite sex, live in masseuse, or someone to paint your name on the sidewalk. I’ve found tons of stuff on Craig’s list. My most recent discovery was a photographer who will take professional photos of me for no charge. He’s up and coming, so the payoff is that he gets to build his portfolio and I get some publicity shots for my pending rock star career.

 

Just like anything else on the internet, you have to be careful and smart about things. You can’t just send someone your money. You can’t give your address or other identifying information to strangers. You also can’t just go to someone’s house for a photo-shoot, hoping to become America’s next top model. Usually, legit postings have websites you can visit, an email contact, and their phone number listed. Referrals are also good.

 

I like to correspond with individuals through email and always keep the relationship superficial, whether for a gig or a motorcycle. If I have to meet in person, I want to meet in a public place, with a friend and a number of escape routes. I’m from the school of “don’t trust nobody and don’t do nothing dumb” so I don’t expect anyone to take it personally when I interrogate them and ask for documentation. If they have a problem with that, then they’re not business oriented and I don’t want to work with them.

 

So anyway, yeah. Craig’s list is cool.

Jena 6

I would be remiss in not sharing my beliefs on the topic. I have avoided it until this point because I did not want to write anything too emotionally charged. I’ll try to be objective, but I’m not making any promises.

 

First of all, 6 Black boys, charged with attempted murder and conspiracy, possibly sentenced to life in prison for beating up a White boy. An all white jury and a defense lawyer appointed by the prosecuting DA. The oldest boy involved was 17 at the time of the fight, but they were all tried as adults. Whether or not you’re aware of all the details involved or the racist history of Jena, there is clearly something wrong with this picture. Eventually, the charges were lessened, and since the exposure, changes have been made. But without exposure, would changes have been made?

 

In other news, 3 White male Duke University students not only got off on a rape case against a Black woman, but are now suing the DA who prosecuted them.

 

An issue of race? Sure. An issue of class? Affirmative. Is the justice system conditional based on what you look like and how much money you have? You’d better believe it.

 

The 6 boys from Jena should be punished for beating someone up. There’s no doubt. However, we tend to forget the White students in Jena who beat up the Black boy and the young White man who pulled a gun on a group of Black youth.

History and current news consists of about 30% what they said happened and 70% what must have happened. Furthermore, the 30% of what they say and what we hear is laced with propaganda and agendas. The truth is we may never know the whole truth. Furthermore, there are many cases of injustice in courts and by police officers on the street toward Black and Latino citizens that have yet to be exposed. While the persecuted innocent lose their livelihood, the rest of America sits back and determines that as long as it’s not happening to us or our family, it’s not important. Wake up people. If the justice system isn’t fair for everybody, it isn’t fair for anybody.

Busy is as busy does.

I haven’t cleaned my apartment in 3 weeks! It’s disgusting! What happened to all the time I was going to have this semester? That just went up in smoke. I don’t even want to look at my dishes. I just bought some new underwear because I couldn’t find clean ones.

Too much information, you say? Well, you’re probably right. I’m just ready to take a break. Only thing is that I can’t break now. My defense date is 3 weeks away. I’m still finishing up my draft!

It’s funny how things always seem to happen at once. I wish I could choose my busy times. I wish I could spread them out. Sometimes, I’m so busy that I don’t even realize how busy I am. People are starting to come to me for answers. I used to be intimidated by the idea, but it’s not so scary when you actually have the answers. Only now, there’s a lot of work associated with being the purveyor of answers.

I consider myself to be from the school of “don’t bother me with trivial garbage.” Consequently, I have been bombarded with all kinds of meticulous tedium that just seems unnecessary. I sit on all these committees made up of other academics who talk in a circle about how things can be different. Sometimes things get done. Usually, they don’t. I am expected to go to symposia, colloquia, and networking events. I smile, eat muffins, and try to explain to people the details of my scholarship, knowing full well that they’re about as interested in that as they are the berries in the muffins.

Essentially, things aren’t all that bad, and I’m probably only complaining because I didn’t get much sleep last night. I haven’t had much sleep any nights lately.

Real life?

Lately, I’ve been seeing a lot of my friends get real jobs, get married, have kids, and settle down. I refer to these people as “grown-ups.” I do not see myself as a grown-up and am reluctant to do so. Such self-identification is consistent with my decision to remain a student for what seems like forever, but nonetheless, I consider my future as a potentially real live grown-up. It scares me.

The idea of being a professional academic doesn’t scare me. I’ve been in this business for so long that it just seems natural to make that a next step. However, all the other stuff that grown-ups do, specifically in regards to marriage and children, are not things that I particularly care to embrace. Inevitably, as I approach 30, societal pressures to be a matrimonial grown-up are going to increase. All of my 30-something single friends have been asked more than once by family, friends, and acquaintances, “So, have you considered getting married?” and for the women, “When are you going to start having kids,” as though giving birth is a prerequisite for being an adult woman.

I have not made any solid decisions about that yet. For me, it’s really not an issue of putting career before family. It’s an issue of putting me before everything. I mean, I’m nearly 26 years old, on the upswing toward 30 and I’ve never really been able to be completely free. All of my young life has been spent working hard in school while on a strict budget. I believe that I should have at least 7 good years of professionally paid bliss before adding people to my list of things to do. Wife-ing and mothering are difficult jobs, but they aren’t obligatory. Why should I put myself under those pressures because society told me to?

Ultimately, I’m questioning what real life is. Is it getting a job, a husband, some kids, a dog, a mortgage, a car note, and a ton of responsibilities? Is real life enjoying the days that pass as simply as possible? I’m not too concerned. I’ll become a grown-up one day…or maybe I won’t.